People You Should Know
I’ve been fortunate to make a ridiculous number of friends and have only ever actively disowned two people. Having so many concurrent relationships makes it hard for each one to be as close I’d like, but with nearly all of them, catching up always seems to be easy. With each person, there’s a unique story to be told, so in this section, I’ll do my best to capture what makes that person so noteworthy.
Please note: there’s no order of importance here.
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Rafael Mateo: I count Mateo as one of my closest friends. He spoke at my wedding and has been a confidant in all matters for many years. Despite how close we are, he still surprises me with his incredible depth of character and insight. Like any relationship, things ebb and flow and while we’ve always been very close, I’ve tried to be available to him in all capacities given the life changes with him and his life. That’s not to say that he’s not there for me, but I have wanted him to be focused on growing his businesses and not burdened with having to take care of me. He was immeasurably important to me in my pre and post divorce days; his advice, even if it wasn’t overt in his delivery, came from many years that are beyond him. How he came to be so wise is not for me to figure out, but I’m lucky to be downstream from it.
The other night, I stopped by to visit him at Pata Negra, his newest dining foray, and we got to talking about dating and a particular situation of mine. To my great surprise, he managed to convey the deepest sense of understanding of where I am, where she is, why things are the way they are, etc., and with all of this, how things should be handled moving forward. I was in awe as if I were at a psychic; I’m still wondering how he can be so insightful about life and people.
His life training is anything but typical; he grew up in NYC without the benefit of a father’s influence, save for that which his grandfather offered, got two college degrees, taught special education students for the city of NY in the South Bronx and East Harlem, became a top martial artist in multiple disciplines, developed tremendous culinary skills and eventually, became a highly regarded wine connoisseur. He’s traveled the world, is as culturally educated as they come, and knows quite a bit about human behavior, be it through osmosis or personal experience. Life resume aside, our relationship began through our mutual best friend Fernando. The three of us have been brothers for a long time because of that certain something that bonds guys together; call it simple trust, maybe it’s common interests, family upbringing, etc., but a large component are the core values that we share and the loyalty it breeds.
I think that what’s left such a lasting impression from the other night, and which has prompted this entry, is how blown away I was by how much he knew about me and this situation. As open as I’m thought to be, I’m actually quite reserved and tight-lipped about the most complex emotions, mostly because sometimes I don’t know how to articulate them but also because I think that I should win some of these battles on my own. I hadn’t shared a lot with Mateo herein and I didn’t have intentions of Mateo providing psychotherapy, so I’m further amazed that with so little information at his disposal, he seemingly knew everything. I found myself with either my jaw agape or furiously writing notes about what I should do as he balanced doling out advice while greeting and serving guests at Pata Negra.
There will be many more entries here about Mateo. This was just a quick one to publicly thank the guy. When I count wealth, it’s in the measure of trust I have in other individuals. With Mateo, I’m a rich dude.
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Brad Olsen: Brad is getting married in May to Karen. I met them both, separately that is, through our football league in Manhattan. I’m a pretty quick and accurate judge of character, or so I believe, and immediately knew that they were both good people. Before long, they became a couple and as time progressed, they moved in together, went on vacation together, and became engaged. Brad eventually asked me if I would officiate their nuptials; I was shocked and honored… and of course said yes.
Brad and I have some very similar elements of personality and character, albeit contained in different shells. We were at a friend’s wedding in New Orleans in 2007 and realized that we could make a contest and game out of anything. It’s become an ongoing focus of ours to see who can do what longer, better, more accurately, etc. Karen seems to be so patient and has even provided color commentary on occasion. Deborah once witnessed Brad and me in a contest to see who could throw a nerf-like football into a trash can and given our collective enthusiasm, she couldn’t help but cheer too!
If you’ve read the blog, you will know that I went to Las Vegas in mid-March for a bachelor party. It was the west coast version of the one for Brad (the east coast version will be in Atlantic City in a few weeks). Even though Brad and I were supposed to be on different return flights to NYC, the debauchery from Saturday night forced him to miss his flight and bumped him onto mine. Once we arrived in NYC, we walked to the baggage carousel, still reminiscing about the craziness from the weekend. At one point, as the baggage-less carousel motored along, I noticed a strange object on it. I grabbed it and realized that it was a broken wheel and casing from a piece of luggage.
I showed it to him, took it back, played with it a bit and said with a smirk, “Guess someone’s dragging their luggage along somewhere.” Brad’s first comment was, “Looks like it’s time to get some new luggage.” Almost immediately thereafter, he said something else that made me take a step back. “I hope it doesn’t belong to an old person.”
I thought, who comes up with that kind of comment? Who would think about how an old person might be struggling along? I told him what a wonderful thing that was to say and think, and how much I admired him for being such a thoughtful person.
With a single comment, along with a strong foundation of other elements that I know about his character, Brad demonstrated unequivocally that he is a sensitive and decent human being to the core. I try to always surround myself by the best people I can find and it’s so obvious that Brad’s one of them.
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Darren Bunkley: Darren is Brad’s best friend from home in Orange County, California. Darren put together one of the most detailed and thoughtful bachelor parties I’ve ever seen. He was also the guy I connected with most out of all the new people I met while in Las Vegas.
Most of the entourage arrived on Thursday night, but I didn’t get there until Friday night. When I arrived, we already had an agenda of things to do. Among them was the distribution of party favors. No, they weren’t obscene but instead, thoughtful and funny. For the attendees, Darren had yellow T-shirts printed with the words MARCH BRAD-NESS on the front, along with a cartoon image on the back of Brad diving on top of a table full of beer. We were also given arm bands (like the kind tennis players used to wear) with the same image, personalized dog tags with our names and nicknames, and a sheet of stickers with a collaged image of about a dozen or so pictures of Brad over the years. Brad, however, was forced to wear a costume for Robin (as in Batman) complete with a chestplate of carved abs, a mask, a cape, and a utility belt.
Later that night, Darren queued up a DVD that he and another friend put together with probably a good half hour or more of video content of Brad and the gang from high school on. I don’t know Brad as long or as well as these guys, but clearly, their group was into video taping long before any of my friends ever were. Darren works in the entertainment/production field, so this was probably not too difficult to do though it was likely very time-consuming.
The next night, Darren had put together this game that required Brad to name many of the women he had dated over the years. Without going into details, that project alone must have been 40 hours alone in preparation.
All of the above notwithstanding, Darren was the chief organizer for the weekend and arranged for our hotel rooms, our excursions, money collection, communication, etc. At first glance, he seems like a regular Joe but quite clearly, he’s an achiever, a solid and super friendly person, and a great best friend to Brad. The love they share for one another was palpable and truly a great thing to witness.
I’m competing in the Malibu Triathlon in September and when I mentioned it to Darren, he insisted that he and his fiancée (probably his wife by then) host us for a fun and wild weekend in L.A. It’s stuff like this that makes me continue to say, what a great guy.
When I described some of the elements of the weekend to Deborah, I spoke a lot about Darren… so much so that it was suggested that I had a man-crush. Out of self-preservation, I’ll not give that much credence, but suffice it to say that I was so impressed with him and felt that he warranted an entry here along with the recommendation that, true to the title of this section, he’s a person you should know.
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Steven Ackerman: Most of the people in my life know about my college roommate, Brian Marmor. Frankly, he deserves more than just an entry on this page (which is why none currently exists); he’s had a profound affect on my life in more ways that I can articulate but mostly, he’s the person I trust with everything. He’s in the very exclusive company of Mom and Dad in that regard and in fact, he knows many many things they don’t (and shouldn’t!).
One of his incredible talents is the ability to bring people together. He connects with the right people, not simply for opportunistic reasons, but because he’s honest with his life and he injects a sense of mutual respect into nearly every interaction. Among the scores of people I’ve met because of him is his business colleague, Steven Ackerman. He’s an interesting guy and though a very new friend, someone I know will make me a better person.
He and Brian run a medical practice and have a consulting company. They are seemingly joined at the hip, but it’s a great friendship that seems to drive their successes. I think Brian’s interest in Steven is because Steven, like Brian, also combines a sense of mutual respect and modesty into his interactions. When we finally met last year, after a fair amount of lauding by Brian, I had a sort of instant feeling of friendship for the guy. My intuition is rarely if ever wrong, and in this case, it was right once again. He and I have developed a friendship for the right reasons, but allow me to tell you what I know about the guy.
Steven is a tremendous success in business. Success is a relative word I suppose, and while he’s not a corporate blue chip CEO, he does lead a profitable conglomerate of small businesses. To me, that is impressive but you’d never really see the rewards of his success when meeting him. He’s humble. He knows the aforementioned sense of relativity and assumes a modest image. For that alone, though one would hope it to be standard practice, I’m impressed. But it’s his interests in philanthropy and his travels therein that really impresses.
My memory is super accurate in many ways but shoddy in others, and in the latter case, I don’t perfectly recall the countries he’s visited in recent years to help build homes and provide other help to impoverished peoples, but they include several African countries and perhaps South America. He’s a recent new member to the Rotary International club that serves to bring people together worldwide for various reasons including similar charitable initiatives. Recently, he convened a group of people, including Brian and me, to meet with the UN Secretary-General’s campaign manager to discuss a new initiative to end violence against women globally. Steven is most definitely focused on making the world a better place.
For a while, I’ve searched for something to latch onto with respect to my own philanthropical interests. I thought about dedicating a recent Ironman to raising money for a specific charity, but it needed to be something I was attached to. While some people who are very close and dear to me have suffered from breast cancer, I just didn’t feel as if it was something that made me feel impassioned. I’ve raised money for that charity, the March of Dimes, the LiveStrong Foundation, and others, but none are directly connected to me and I’ve wanted that direct connection. Add to that my upbringing within the Ethical Culture Society, a following that takes the place of religion and which is wholly based on ethical values and humanism, and the social actions they take on, and it’s been an empty part of my life that I’m ready to fill.
Now that Steven has introduced me to this UN individual, and now that I’ve been provided a basic understanding of his and the UN’s goals, I’m aflutter with thoughts of how I can help and the prospects of seeing the goals come to fruition. For a variety of reasons, most of which I’m finding hard to articulate, it hits home. Perhaps it’s the global nature of it and perhaps another element is the social equality that defines it. Do know, it’s not as if I have a renewed sense of purpose; I feel fairly centered and purposeful already, but there’s now something new that seems both wonderful in purpose and fulfilling in innumerable other ways. I owe tremendous thanks to Steven for this and of course for his basic friendship.
Why I am in awe of people who are similarly motivated is a bit of a mystery to me. Shouldn’t we all be dedicated to humanism and to helping the disadvantaged? I suppose that the surprise for me, a pleasant one at that, is that someone as young as Steven is so intently focused on improving the lives of others. He’s already made me a better person without having done anything particularly charitable, but that itself may be the subtle beauty that defines his character.